Turn Me On

Ok, so this is a pretty old list, but after re-reading it, the songs I entered still do it for me. What about you, Ames?

But I think we need to add to it.

And I think we need a rule for the songs that we add. Since this list was orginally written back when Amy and I were still single, oh so long ago, there was a certain... naughtiness behind most of the songs. SO, I think we should add to the list, but try to only add songs that turn us on in a dirty way, not in a "oh honey, you are so sweet to me, let's do it" kind of way. Because let's face it, nothing keeps a marriage hot like good old fashioned, dirty lust. {insert salacious grin here}

Without further ado:
Songs That Get Us Hot

Sweet Emotion Aerosmith -- It's a long story

Physical NIN version -- Reznor, growling, primal...

Turn Me On performed by Norah Jones -- reminds me of making out with a guy in the
corner of a smoky jazz club.

The Only Time Nine Inch Nails "This song is about.... FUCKING." The noise
he makes in the middle of the song.

The World in My Eyes Depeche Mode -- makes you wanna bump and grind.

Eleventeen Convoy -- This song is sex. Good, old fashioned, dirty sex. And DAMN do I love those drums! YEAH!

Downfall Trust Company -- It rocks so hard it makes Amy wanna rip her clothes off in a frenzy. (Note: Do not listen to this while driving...)

Delirium by Terra Firma (from Tomb Raider Sdtrk) -- Angelina Jolie in the shower. 'Nuff said.

The Fuse Bruce Springsteen -- grinding beat, that voice, an unbearably sexy little song with a life-affirming message behind it.

Fire ala Bruce Springsteen -- OH. MY. GOD. This is all Amy has to say about it.

Aqueous Transmission Incubus -- Well, okay, this one isn't full on
grope-me-now music, but it gets me going because of Brandon Boyd's silky voice and the relaxed, summer-afternoon feel of it.

Is Patience Still Waiting The Julianna Theory -- The lead singer of this band is REALLY HOT and this song is a loud, melodic, rock-your-hips-to-the-beat amazement. The way certain parts of the song are screamed really gets me going.

Wicked Garden Stone Temple Pilots -- BURNNNNNN! BURN! BURN! Burn your wicked garden down...

Smooth Santana with Rob Thomas -- Normally Rob Thomas' voice annoys me to the point where I want to shake him until he stops whining; but I think Santana's incredible, spine tingling guitar mellows out the voice. Or maybe Thomas doesn't whine so much in this song. Either way, this song really does it for me, I just want someone to do what Santana does to his guitar on my spine. Ummmmm hmmmmm.

Anything by Louis XIV Ok, so this will seem kind of kiss ass-y, but seriously, listen to the music and try *not* to have dirty thoughts. Impossible!

Sweet Emotion (in My Pants)

I know this isn’t a particularly original thing to confess, but Joe Perry has always done it for me. There isn’t any one thing that stands out for me; it’s just him. I want to do naughty things to him. I enjoy planning them.

When I was in high school I had a plan: I was going find a way to meet Aerosmith so that when they got inducted into the Hall of Fame I could give the speech. I even started to write it, confident that if my mere existence didn’t make Joe Perry fall instantly in love with me, my words would. Here’s a taste:

When I was five, I wanted to be Madonna. When I was twelve I wanted to be Janet Jackson. When I was sixteen I wanted Joe Perry.

Well, the boys got inducted without my wonderful speech and I moved on to Plan B. I would somehow manage to become a roadie for the band, get access to Joe Perry and convince him to wear nothing but tight, shiny, leather pants all the time. (I aim high, I know.)

So, in a feeble attempt to get access, I bought tickets to see Aerosmith from the grass section of a northern Virginia amphitheater in September, 2001. (They had a second stage in the grass, I was like, THIS close for a whole ten minutes.)

The concert was amazing. They played some of their absolute best songs and played them with more energy than I don’t even know what. Toward the end of the night the guys started to play “Sweet Emotion.” I love this song. I love the fat ass bass, I love the dulcimer, I love all the hooks. Of course, they jammed and made the song about ten minutes long. This is when the moment of glory occurred.

Joe Perry, wearing some flimsy shirt and tight tight pants, balanced his guitar between his thighs and fingered the neck with his left hand. With his right hand he reached back to his amplifier and started to twist the knob.

Now, I know Aerosmith jams on Sweet Emotion almost everytime they play it. Yes, I have seen Joe Perry play with his knobs many times. I get that technically, there was nothing special about it. But there was something about that performance, that night, that really resonated.

Thank GOD for the cameraman. Since I was standing miles away in the grass area, there is no way I ever would have gotten the erotic charge that I did had that INCREDIBLE cameraman not zoomed in on Joe Perry’s guitar and stayed there for the entire spectacle.

I stood in the middle of all the grass, jaw at my feet, at a loss for what my next plan would be to get access to this man and do terrible things to him.

Amy was with me and while she also appreciated the moment, she couldn’t help but laugh when she saw my reaction. (We are both convinced that the cameraman was actually a woman.)

I spent the rest of the night in a half stupor, re-living the moment over and over. (Every time I hear that song, at the very least, I squirm, at best…)

As we were getting ready to leave Amy and I were talking about the glorious moment. A girl who must have been around fifteen turned to us and said “Joe Perry has nice boobies.”

Honey, Joe Perry has nice EVERYTHING.