ENOUGH with the girl love!

I need a man.
And so I give you: Fantasy Interview of Joe Perry.

Elaine, dressed in her tightest leather pants and naughty Aerosmith t-shirt, has filled the studio with guitars of every shape, size and type in the hopes that sexy Mr. Perry will pick one up during the interview and start to play little songs. Songs that in her love-sick mind, Elaine will think were written just for her. She has also strategically placed video cameras in the room so that she can re-live the interview from a variety of angles.

Elaine: Be cool. I have to be cool. Where are my questions?!

Amy: Calm down, chick! You’re making ME nervous now!

Elaine: Yeah, ok, Miss-I-passed-out-when–Angelina-Jolie-winked-at-me. Seriously, WHERE are my questions?

[Leon taps on the glass and points to the floor where a small mountain of papers are strewn.]

Elaine: Ah, thanks, Leon. Hey! Am I all pink?

Amy: No, actually you’re more crimson.

Elaine: Greeeat. Thanks. Hey! You know what would really calm me down?

Amy: Scotch?

Elaine: BESIDES that.

Amy: Sex? NO! Really HOT sex in a laundry mat.

Elaine: Seriously, are you trying to kill me?

Amy: [laughs evilly] What would calm you down?

Elaine: Your Scott Stap impression.

Amy: Really?

Elaine: Yeah! Do it!

[Amy screws her face into a pained expression and waves her arms wildly. In a deep shaky voice she sings part of the chorus to “Arms Wide Open.” Both Rock Chicks and even Leon laugh at the impression. In fact, everyone is laughing so hard that no one realizes that Joe Perry has come into the booth, sat down and put on his headphones.]

Joe Perry: I think he waves his arms more than that.

[The Rock Chicks both freeze and turn a very deep shade of red. Leon actually ducks. Amy recovers first.]

Amy: Well, I make it a point to know as little about Creed as possible, so the impression really can’t be perfect.

Joe Perry: Totally understandable. [smiles]

[Elaine’s Side Note: Sadly, Joe Perry felt it necessary to be completely clothed for this interview. But he still looks HOT! He barely buttoned his light green shirt, which helps make up for the fact that he actually wore one. I would like to comment on his jeans, but I think it would make my head explode.]

Amy: Would you excuse me for a minute?

Joe Perry: Sure.

Amy: [smiling sweetly] Thanks. [Turns to face Leon] HEY! LEON! What the hell are you doing over there? You’re supposed to warn us about these things!

Leon: [shrugs] I’m sorry, I was laughing at your really good impression.

Amy: Flattery will get you nowhere, Leon. Look at what you did to Elaine!

[Everyone looks at Elaine who has gone from scarlet to ash white and is staring alternately at Joe Perry and the floor.]

Leon: I’m sorry, I really I am! Should I get her some black coffee or something?

Elaine: [mumbling] electro…shock…

Amy: Yeah, you’re sorry. You know, I managed to convince Britney Spears’ bikini waxer to let you fill in for Britney’s next appointment, but now I’m thinking maybe not.

Leon: [makes weird squeaking noise]

Joe Perry: Aw, now, don’t be so hard on the guy. It was a really good impression.

[Amy’s head swivels to Joe Perry and she plants a giddy smile on her face.]

Amy: Really? You think so?

Joe Perry: Yeah, it was the best I’ve seen. And Elaine’ll be ok, right?

Elaine: [still mumbling] sex god… knows… my… name [devious smile begins to grow on her face]

Amy: [Chuckling] I guess so. But LEON, you are NOT OFF THE HOOK! Now get Elaine some coffee or sugar or something.

[Leon runs out of control booth in pursuit of something that will bring Elaine back.]

Amy: Elaine….. hellooooooooo. [Waves hand in front of Elaine’s face. Elaine looks at Amy, then at Joe Perry, then the floor, then at Amy again, making a weird humming noise. She still looks like a ghost.] Well, let’s just give her a second. So, Joe, how’s it going? How’s the tour?

Joe Perry: It’s great. I love it. We go out there every night and it’s like we’re partying with our best friends. It’s a great rush.

Elaine: uhhhhh

Amy: I really get that sense at your shows. Like you’re having a really great time with some friends you haven’t seen in a while.

[Leon comes into room with hot tea and puts it in Elaine’s hand. Elaine doesn’t know how hot the tea is or that it is mostly brandy. She downs the drink in one gulp.]

Elaine: MOTHER @#$%&*! [She throws the mug at Leon as he runs out of the room. Despite her recent catatonic state, she actually has a decent aim and hits Leon on the shoulder. He grabs the mug from the floor and gets out of the room before Elaine finds anything else to throw.]

Joe Perry: Whoa.

Amy: Are you ok?

Elaine: [chugging water from a nearby pitcher] I will be in a minute. [gulps another glass of water] Leon, I love you, but you are gonna pay.

Joe Perry: Leon, run.

[Elaine is gesturing wildly at Leon about all of the painful things that will happen to him when the interview is over.]

Joe Perry: [looking at Elaine with furrowed brow] Is she ok?

Amy: Yeah. I can fix this. Hey, Elaine, I was just getting ready to tell Joe about your hair… in high school.

[Elaine snaps to attention and glares at Amy. Joe Perry looks very amused as Amy and Elaine take a few seconds to exchange odd facial expressions.]

Elaine: That is cruel and unusual and NOT for broadcasting!

Amy: Anything’s fair game when you’re not looking. [sweet smile]

Elaine: So, Joe, I’m really glad you were able to make it today. And I’m really sorry about that weird start there.

Joe Perry: No problem. We’ve had concerts start like that.

Elaine: Really?

Joe Perry: No. But thanks for asking me to be here. From the looks of the place, I’m guessing you want to talk guitars.

Amy: Actually, we were hoping you would play one.

Joe Perry: Sure, anything in particular you want to hear?

[Elaine’s Side Note: Wild dreams… coming true…]

Elaine: Well, no. Maybe you could just strum some background music or something.

Joe Perry: Ok.

[Amy and Elaine once again give each other crazy looks and exchange telepathic messages. Joe Perry picks up a silver Les Paul, sits back and starts to strum it. Leon sneaks in the room and re-adjusts microphones so that both Joe’s guitar and his voice are miked.]

Elaine: [clearly fantasizing] So, I wanted to ask you about Bobo.

Joe Perry: Alright.

Elaine: Well, mainly I wanted to thank you for finally putting it out since you’ve been teasing us with a blues inspired album for like ten years.

Joe Perry: [chuckling] Hey, foreplay is just part of good rock and roll.

[Amy and Elaine both loose it for a second. Leon is poised to enter the booth with smelling salts.]

Joe Perry: Actually we had a great time working on the album. We hand picked every track and the thing just smokes.

Amy: Yeah.

Elaine: Wanna give us a sample?

Joe Perry: Sure. [He easily switches from randomly strumming to the opening lick of Back Back Train.]

Amy and Elaine: Wow.

Elaine: This is why I love you.

Joe Perry: You should hear Tom’s bass line.

Elaine: Oooh, you are making my mind go to bad places.

Amy: You know what that means! One word answer time!

Joe Perry: I’ve been looking forward to this. Let’s go.

Elaine: Scott Stapp

Joe Perry: Funny

Elaine: Guitar

Joe Perry: Heaven

Elaine: Hot Sauce

Joe Perry: Excellent

Elaine: South Americans

Joe Perry: Friendly

Elaine: Cohasset

Joe Perry: Oh, Pump!

Elaine: Knobs

Joe Perry: Uh, twist.

[Elaine takes a minute to let the full body flush subside. Even Amy looses it for a few seconds. Leon gets worried that the dead air will never end.]

Elaine: Elaine

Joe Perry: Fantasy Woman

Elaine: YES! [passes out with gigantic smile on her face]

Amy: You know you are the first person who’s ever gotten that one right. Rock on Joe Perry! I love you so much more now!

Elaine: [mumbling from a semi-awake state as Leon tries to revive her] Hands off, Ames!

Amy: The first sign of recovery: staking her claim. Say, while she’s getting it back together, think you could maybe sing a little bit of Back Back Train?

Joe Perry: You bet. [He launches into the song and everyone in the studio sits and listens, enjoying the performance.]

Elaine: [after Joe finishes the song] See, Amy this is why we get along, great idea. And Joe, that was just amazing, I will never forget it.

Joe Perry: I probably won’t forget this whole experience anytime soon, either.

Amy: You know, the way you snuck in on us, we missed the big intro.

Elaine: You’re right, we did. How could we miss the big intro?

Joe Perry: You had a big intro? For me?

Elaine and Amy: Oh yeah.

Joe Perry: Well, do it now!

[Again, Elaine and Amy pause, exchanging mental notes.]

Elaine: Well, basically it consisted of Sweet Emotion playing in the background and talking about how hot you are. [Joe starts to strum Sweet Emotion]

Joe Perry: Um, ok.

Amy: Really, it was just an opportunity for me to embarrass Elaine without fear of retribution.

Joe Perry: Ah.

Elaine: But at the end we planned on racking up another FCC fine.

Joe Perry: I’m honored that you would do that for me.

Amy: Does honoring you equal a lifetime of good seats at your shows?

Joe Perry: Good seats? Hell, that’s worthy of seats on the stage and backstage passes for life.

[Elaine doesn’t even think about it, she just reaches for her check book, as an evil grin spreads across her face.]

Elaine: Ladies and Gentlemen, JOE FUCKIN’ PERRY!

I WAS GOING TO MOVE TO CANADA....

But my fiancee and I decided to stay and get more involved in everything. We will join PAC's and grassroots organizations and groups and the REVOLUTION WILL BEGIN.

Bush is going to self destruct anyway.

ANYWAY...enough about politics.

Here is my list of the top 10 reasons why I love Gina Gershon...
10. The red pants. She has this pair of red pants that she wore in PFRAR and her documentary that are amazing. I even bought my own pair of maroon velvet pants. Matt LOVES them. I call them my "Ode-to-Gina-Rock-Star" pants.
9. She is absolutely hilarious. (see her documentary!) You haven't lived until you've seen Gina sing "I'm not that skanky" in her tour bus.
8. GOD BLESS that mid-riff
7. She's in her 40's but she is viciously gorgeous.
6. SHE CAN PLAY GUITAR! AND SING! AND DO BOTH WELL!
5. She likes whips. I don't really know why that's so hot, but it is.
4. Her voice provides the voice of my computer. Make an error, and Gina tells me to lick her. Isn't technology great??
3. She's just as convincing as a cop or a Showgirl as she is as a punk rock star or a lesbian ex-con plumber.
2. She loves her friends and family. And her cat, Cleo.
1. She is deliciously sexually ambigous. YAY for fluid sexuality. I might have a shot! :-D (Hey, hey now, a girl can dream...)

Uhhh......

So, my mom and I were in the car last night, and she turns to me and says,

"I saw your website."

I immediately flash to all the female flesh displayed on our little blog-o-fun. I picture her reading my little fantasy interviews with Gina and Angie and Tia.

"What did you think?"

"I thought it was nice." She replied, eyes on the road, voice calm, no panic whatsoever.

HUH?

"You thought it was nice? Really??"

"Sure."

I stared at my ultra-conservative (yet voting for Kerry, yay) mother in shock.

"Are you feeling OK?" I asked, my eyes popping out of my head. This is the same woman who continually asks me if I'm a lesbian, even though she's footing the bill for my WEDDING coming up soon. She doesn't understand the whole "fluidity" theory... that people can fall anywhere on the scale of sexuality and slide along that scale to either extreme during their lifetime. Right now, I'm somewhere in the middle. ANYWAY...

"You didn't mind the half-naked women?!" I asked her, thinking maybe she was finally coming around. I KNOW she has a crush on Melina Kanakarides, that chick from Providence and now CSI: New York. I KNOW she does. But whatever.

"WHAT half naked women??? WHY would you put half naked women on your wedding website?"

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. oops. She wasn't talking about THIS website, she was talking about the little page I made on the knot.com. SHIT. SHIT SHIT SHIT!

She kept asking me what half naked women. All I had to say was "Ma, don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to."

Parents. Aren't they great?

I must be into S&M...

Because I'm sitting here in the most BORING class on earth...and I PAID MONEY to be here!! I must be crazy. I must be a secret fan of torture.

Anyway, enough about Coverage of Public Affairs (ack!)

I bought a new album that I want to let the world know about. The band is called The Music. If Aerosmith and Jane's Addiction had a baby and it grew up listening to 80's synth-pop and arena hair-bands, it would sound like The Music. I LOVE the album. It's glossy in a good way, full of good, hard driving beats, layered guitars and gorgeous arrangements that make the album pop. It just about crashes its way through your car stereo to sit and bop its head in the passenger seat. The singer's vocals are my only minor complaint. He sounds a little like the singer from Rush, but not enough like him to make me want to rip my eyeballs out and throw them at him, which is what happens when I listen to Rush. His voice reminds me a little of Perry Farrell too.

Anyway, that's about it. I'm going to go back to daydreaming about the chick at work that I have a big, giant girl crush on. I'm straight for the most part, but MAN she's hot.

Oh joy! We have an in-class project to do! YAY! FEEL THE ENTHUSIASM!

Prey For Gina Gershon

This is a new fantasy interview, straight out of my twisted little brain. I hope you like it. I CERTAINLY had fun writing it. (evil grin here)

Amy: Good afternoon, folks. Welcome to Rockchicks radio, I'm Amy.

Elaine: And I'm Elaine. Welcome to the insanity.

Amy: I'm SO excited!

Elaine: I know, look at you. I think if you sneezed or hiccuped, you'd be naked. Is that a shirt or a washcloth?

Amy: (blushing) Hey man, if any of the rumors have even a grain of truth, I want to be prepared. It is a shirt, by the way.

Elaine: Are you wearing underwear?

Amy: I refuse to answer that.

Elaine: For all the new listeners, the refusal to answer means no, she isn't wearing undies. You dirty girl! What would Angelina say? You wore undies when SHE was here.

Amy: Not for long. ANYWAY...What about when Joe Perry was here, huh?

[Moment of awkward, guilty silence. Rustling papers. A nervous cough]

Elaine: OK! Let's move on!

Amy: Uh huh. Today's guest, I am totally thrilled to say, is Miss Gina Gershon. Actress, singer, rock star goddess.

[sound clip of "Punk Rock Girl"]

Elaine: We don't talk about her as much as Angelina, but she is an official member of the Wishful Trio, as Amy calls it.

Amy: Tia being the third, in case anyone was wondering. Friday nights, 9 p.m., NBC.

[Leon opens the door and gives them the thumbs up sign. He clicks his tongue and whistles crudely at Amy's skirt. A CD case (belonging to Hilary Duff, therefore entirely expendable) is promptly heaved at his head. He shuts the door quickly and Hilary lies face down on the floor of the studio.]

Elaine: The rumors my sexually ambivalent friend is referring to involve Gina's sexuality. She's played a lesbian in quite a few movies, leading those in the biz to think she might be a lesbian herself.

Amy: It's no one's business. I just have to go with the odds, ya know?

Elaine: Absolutely.

[Leon signals with two short knocks on the door that Gina is in the building.]

Amy: Ohhhh. She's on her way up. I need an altoid. Where's my purse? I need a mint. I must be minty. Altoids...

Elaine: Hey, rain man! Relax! Ames, what are you doing?

[She watches Amy stand up and find her purse on the floor of the studio, leaving her headphones on the table.]

Amy: My purse is right here. I need an altoid. Where are they? Have you seen my altoids?

Elaine: Ames, sweetie, you're freakin' me out. Sit down, because Gina is almost here.

Amy: One sec...

[Amy bends over to fish in her purse.]

Elaine: Gahh! Don't give away the farm! Jeez!

[Gina picks that moment to open the door. She's wearing Amy's favorite red velvet pants, a vintage Doors T-Shirt and big pilot sunglasses. She is confronted by Amy's barely-clothed bottom and Elaine's mortified but amused smirk.]

Gina: Oh. So, it's that kind of show, huh?

[She licks her top lip and grins, and Elaine knows Amy just missed a REALLY hot Gina moment because her ass was in the air. Amy can feel red-hot mortification rising from her toes to her head. She turns to face Gina, blinking at the fact that she is wearing THE pants.]

Amy: ...altoid?

Gina: Sure.

[Gina takes an altoid and slides it seductively onto her tongue.]

Elaine: Ames?

Amy: Hmmmmm? [staring wide-eyed at Gina]

Elaine: Wanna sit down now so we can do this?

Amy: Mmmmm. Hmmmm? Wha?

Elaine: SIT.

Amy: Right, right. Sorry.

Elaine: Gina, it's great to meet you. We are both fans. Amy is a big, BIG fan.

Gina: I can see that. Are ya gonna make it?

[She aims the question at Amy as she slides her sunglasses up to sit on her head, revealing gorgeous, deep brown eyes.]

Amy: Uh huh. [Still seeing Gina sliding the mint into her mouth over and over and over gain, like a skipping movie. Elaine kicks her hard under the table. Amy sits bolt upright and seems to wake from her trance.]

Elaine: Welcome back.

Amy: Thanks. Sorry. SO, Gina. I just want to say that Prey For Rock and Roll was GREAT. The thing I liked best about it was the fact that you are a genuinely talented musician and singer. A true Rockchick, if you will.

Gina: Awww, that's so sweet, thank you.

Amy: You're welcome. My question is, the soundtrack with you on vocals was amazing. Do you ever plan to put out another album?

Gina: Actually, yes. I've been working with the guys from Aerosmith and we...

Elaine: WHAT?

Gina: The guys from Aerosmith. Steven Tyler and Joe Perry. They are helping me out with backup guitars and production. They are so damn cool.

Elaine and Amy, simultaneously: You are working with Joe Perry????

Gina: Yep. I hear you guys are big fans.

[Dead air as Amy and Elaine stare blankly and imagine Gina and Joe in the same room, both creating music. It's too much.]

Gina: I brought you a rough track, do you want to hear it? [She takes a CD out of the little purse she brought with her and hands it to Leon, who has magically appeared in the doorway. Elaine and Amy are still silent and open-mouthed. They snap out of it at the mention of listening to music.]

Elaine: Throw it on. That is great that you are making a new album. We love the soundtrack.

[The sound of guitars and a throbbing bass beat fill the studio. Gina chimes into the track in her throaty, Joan-Jett-meets-Courtney-Love-before-she-lost-her-damn-mind voice. They listen to the track for a few moments before Leon turns it down. It becomes background music for the interview.]

Amy: Wow. Wow. This is really...really good.

Gina: Thanks. The album is coming out early next year.

Elaine: What does Joe Perry smell like?

Gina: [not missing a beat] Like leather and soap.

Elaine: Did he wear his yin yang pants?

Amy: This is the point in the interview where *I* actually get to be the sane one. And Gina Gershon is here! That is crazy! ELAINE! Snap out of it! Focus!

Elaine: [shakes her head] Right, right. sorry. So, uhh...

Gina: Actually, before anything else is said, let me say that I'm a fan of you guys. Whenever I'm in the city, I listen. I loved your interview with John Stewart. I'm really shocked that he let you guys do that to him. Isn't that act a misdemeanor in the state of New York?

Elaine: We aren't allowed to discuss that incident until it's cleared by legal.

Amy: Yep. So, you listen to the show?

Gina: Yeah. I know someone that I think you, Amy, would be interested in meeting.

Amy: Really?

Gina: Oh yeah. She's a great friend of mine, I met her when we were both in a movie way back. I brought her with me today. Want me to go get her?

Amy: Um, sure?

[Gina gets up and leaves. Amy and Elaine stare blankly at each other.]

Elaine: Maybe it's Drea De Matteo. You were just saying last week how cool she is and how much you like her. And they've been in a movie together.

Amy: That's probably it. That makes sense. I think I...

[Stops dead in her tracks. The door has opened and Tia Texada has stepped in, looking delicious in jeans and a black sweater. Gina follows, looking excited.]

Elaine: Oh. My. God. I think Amy's head is going to explode.

Amy: Holy Shit.

Elaine: FCC Fine number seven for this month. And its only the 3rd.

Tia: Hello. How are you ladies?

Elaine: We are fantastic. Sit down, Tia. Welcome to the show. There are some headphones for you. Wow, this is really cool. I like Third Watch too. Great show. I really liked when you tortured the murderer in the hospital to get information out of him. That was hot. Amy thought so too, right? Amy? Ames?

Amy: [...imagining herself as a the filling in a Tia-Gina sandwich...] Wha? I'm sorry, I'm just blindsided. You don't have Angelina back there somewhere too, do you? I think there is some rule that if the Wishful Trio are all in the same room at the same time, the universe implodes.

Tia: The wishful trio?

Amy: Aw shit.

Elaine: Ames, no more cursing. I told you, the whole John Stewart fiasco burned through our fine money. The FCC is riding us hard. Be good!

Amy: Right. Sorry.

Elaine: [turning to Tia] She's a HUGE fan of yours. She's always harassing people to watch the show.

Tia: I heard. Not many people know who I am, so when I saw myself on your website, and Gina told me she was coming on the show, we thought it would be cool to show up and rock your world a little bit.

[Amy is whimpering and appearing very much like a teenage girl who has just been asked out by the hottest guy in school. It was mostly happiness, but panic hovered around the edges.]

Elaine: OK, since Amy can't speak, I'll be her. So, Tia. I think you are the hottest woman on television. I like that Mariska lady from Law and Order SVU, but she isn't as hot as you are. I think you are really sexy too, Gina. But more than that, you both kick serious butt.

Amy: [mumbling] Documentary...

[All three woman turn to her.]

Tia: What honey? [Tia looks genuinely concerned.]

Amy: I love Gina's documentary.

Elaine: A WHOLE SENTENCE! She's back!

Amy: I am going to kill you later and dump your body in the swamp.

Elaine: She's just saying that. Last week it was tie me to the railroad tracks.

Gina: You like the documentary, huh?

Amy: Yeah. I bought it the day it came out on DVD. You just rock so damn hard. I think it's really cool that this great actress can turn around and be a full-fledged, honestly talented rock star.

Tia: You know, if you play back the show in Austin frame by frame, you can see me in the audience. I flashed Gina. They edited out most of it, but you can still see a little nipple if you pause it at just the right moment.

Gina: That was so awesome. You have very nice tits, by the way.

Tia: Thank you, so do you, mami.

[Amy is gazing into space, in awe of the fact that not only were Tia and Gina friends, but that nakedness had passed between them.]

Elaine: I think Ames is out again. It's OK. Let's look at her notes....ahh, ok! One word answer time!

Tia: Ohh, yah, I heard about this. Go ahead.

Elaine: All you have to do is say the first thing that pops into your mind. [They nod.] Cool, here we go. Sex.

Tia: Hot.

Gina: Wet.

[Amy lets out a tiny gasp.]

Elaine: NICE. OK, next one... San Diego.

Tia: Uhh...zoo?

Gina: Oh, oh, I know! I know! Louis the fourteenth!

Elaine: Excellent work! Miss Gershon gets four gold stars!

Tia: That is the band you guys like, right?

Gina: They are really good. I saw them with the Killers in Los Angeles a while back. Hot guys. All three of them.

Amy: OK. I'm back. Now that the cat is out of the bag, so to speak. You both know I think you're hot. That is no secret. I mean, look at you. Anyway, let me do the next one. OK...mine is...leather.

Tia: Pants.

Gina: Whip.

Amy: Wow. Uhhh...last one. Chocolate.

Tia: Syrup.

Gina: Kisses.

[Elaine and Amy grin and nod.]

Amy: Do either of you have any tattoos?

Tia: I have one, want to see it? [She stands up and pulls down the waistband of her jeans to reveal a tiny dragon in a ring of fire.]

Amy: [Gets up close to look at it, but everyone knows it's just an excuse.] That is beautiful work.

Tia: Thank you. I have one more. Maybe I'll show you that one later. [She smiles wickedly at both Amy and Gina. Amy's eyes widen and she silently thanks the powers that be for creating latin women.]

Elaine: OK, well, unfortunately, we are out of time. Everyone needs to go rent Prey For Rock And Roll and buy the soundtrack. It will make you believe that there are some actors who really are capable of being bona fide musicians.

Gina: Thank you!

Tia: Hey, we are going to lunch, you want to come?

Elaine: I can't, I think I have an appointment or something. Ames?

Amy: I LOVE this job!

Elaine: Allllll right folks, that raps up this edition of Rockchicks radio. Next week, we'll talking to Charlize Theron, so I get to be the one all hot and bothered during the interview.

Amy: Thank God. Bye folks!

[Sound clip of "Doll Parts" fades to commercial.]

As promised...the top 10 reasons why Trent is driving me slowly insane...

Hello good people! Now, everyone knows three things about me: 1. I love my fiancee 2. I love Angelina Jolie 3. I love Trent Reznor. Now, of the three of them...Trent Reznor is the only one that both completely infuriates me and inspires absolute adoration at the same time. The guy is maddening. He's sexy as hell. He's poetic. He's intelligent.

And he's driving me CRAZY.

Here's why:
10. He first started affecting me and my hormones when I was sixteen. I didn't lose my virginity until MUCH later. So, I had to endure...years...of angst and music that made me want to tear my clothes off in public before I got to do anything about it.

9. When he moans and groans and makes guttural noises in songs, and I'm in the car, I narrowly avoid old ladies walking their dogs on the sidewalk and large trees.

8. We celebrated the five year anniversary of The Downward Spiral, but then we got rewarded by The Fragile, which is a piece of music I consider one of the best ever created. Now, here we are at the five year anniversary of The Fragile....and still no new album. C'mon, man, hand it over already!!

7. El Rezzo is the MASTER of aggravating marketing strategies. He slaps that "halo" label on everything he puts out, including rare imports and singles only released in Zimbabwe, so the fans go NUTS trying to collect all the halos. The man is a marketing GENIUS. Because he knows that his nerdy little fans, the ones who play halo and own the version of Closer with the Super Mario brothers theme mixed in, will go to the ends of the earth, or to every corner of Ebay, to find them. Bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

6. I have only had the extreme, sublime pleasure of seeing him once in concert, for the Fragility tour. If SOMEONE would tour more, then I might be able to up that number. It's not right to have body art dedicated to someone you've only seen once live, because he only tours when he puts out an album, and we all know how often THAT happens.

5. This isn't a reason why he's driving me insane, but did you know that you can use his lyrics in every day life? For example, when Matt (afforementioned fiancee) calls me and asks, "What are you up to?" I can say, "Talking to myself on the way to the station." etc. The uses are endless. Try it sometime.

4. Rezman's fans that aren't really fans DRIVE ME CRAZY. You know one. Perhaps you are one. They are those people that say "Oh yeah! Nine Inch Nails! I know them! I love that song...what's it called? Oh yeah...I want to fuck you like an animal. I love that wanna fuck you song." grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

3. Just when I think I am about to go stomping off to New Orleans, find the little weiner and plonk him upside the head, he updates the website. And bliss is restored. Even if the update is simply, "Yeah, uhh...we are still working on stuff. "

2. The guy is just too damn hot. He's hot when he's slinking around like walking death with a goatee, he's hot when he's unshaven and ragged and looking like he just argued on the phone with Manson for ten hours straight, he's hot when he's singing AND when he's not. He's just hot. He's go-without-underwear-under-your-little-slinky-skirt hot. He's take-me-in-the-back-of-the-tour-bus hot. Dammit.

1. I just wasted almost half an hour writing about the guy. Bastard.

I guess I should get to class now. HAH!
JUANITA (AKA AMY)

Thought I would balance out all the talk about chicks with a little guy action. This is Elaine's future cabana boy, Mr. Joe F*ckin' Perry. We LOVE him.  

As long as we're talking about girl love...

its the fantasy interview of Angelina Jolie! Note: Amy's drawing... yummy.

Angelina Jolie Braves Juanita and Pequita

Disclaimer:
This interview took place in Amy’s demented little mind. It was written in 2002. She loves Angelina Jolie and doesn’t want her to stumble upon the RockChicks site and wonder if she blacked out while doing this interview. Unfortunately, it never happened…

Elaine: Well, people, we here at RockChicks radio are astounded and thrilled to have Amy’s favorite actress here today for an exclusive interview to promote her new film, Tomb Raider 2. You all know, since she talks about it AT LEAST once during the span of all our shows, that Amy is madly in lust with Angelina Jolie. When she found out we landed this interview, she fainted and I was not able to revive her for a good ten minutes. So, I want all you people out there to pray that Amy makes it through this interview in one piece.

Amy: Thanks. Look at that, my hands are shaking. Is she here yet? Man, I need a drink.

Elaine: Calm. Calm. You’re in a forest. You’re in a forest with Trent Reznor.

Amy: No, he’s too sexy; put me in the forest with someone who won’t turn me on…

Elaine: You are in a forest with…Fred Durst. And he’s rubbing his big old beer belly for you.

Amy: Okay, that will work. I’m in a forest with Fred…nasty, annoying Fred…I’m in a forest…

[Leon taps on the glass from the production room to signal that Angelina is on her way]

Amy: Ooh crap. Okay, okay, professionalism. Professional. I can do this, I can do this, I can…

[At that moment, Angelina walks in]

[Amy’s side note: She is wearing a black tank top and low-rider jeans. Her hair is in a neat ponytail and her eyes are shielded by dark, rimless sunglasses. She smiles at us and my knees knock together.]

Angie: Hello!

Elaine: Hi, Angie, there are your headphones. Welcome to the show, we are so happy to have you.

Amy: Hi. Um.......hi.

Angie: [looking like she wants to get Amy a cold compress] Hi. Are you okay? Want some water, I saw a fountain down the hall…

Amy: No, thank you very much, but I think I’ll be okay.

Elaine: So, Amy and I are very excited about Tomb Raider 2. The last one wasn't really embraced by the critics, but was a big commercial success. What did you do differently in this version?

[Elaine kicks Amy under the table and Amy blinks and stops staring at the stunning woman she fantasizes about on an hourly basis.]

Angie: Well, this version has what, I think, everyone thought was lacking in the first one: a good story. The story in the last one was flimsy and felt forced. The new movie has a very exciting, pulse-racing, save-the-planet feel to it, but not in a cheesy way. It’s really very cool.

Amy: Angie?

[Elaine looks up sharply. Whenever Amy asks the interviewee a question using just their name, bad things are about to happen. She tries to kick her again, but Amy has wised up and moved too far away.]

Angie: Yes?

Amy: I probably won’t get the opportunity to say this ever again, so….uhh….I think you are the most beautiful woman in the universe. To be honest…

Elaine: DON’T do it! Don’t do it, Ames! Don’t…

Amy: You are one of the very few women on the planet I would ever seek carnal knowledge of.

Elaine: OH MY GOD! Listeners, I know we all have been listening to Amy talk about Angelina for the last week straight, but did any of you think she would ever get up the nerve to tell her that? Man! I just lost a hundred bucks.

Angie: [looking surprisingly flattered and unruffled] Really?

Amy: Um, yeah.

Angie: Good to know. [Angie shocks the hell out of Amy by passing her a seductive glance with the infamous and wildly sexy arched eyebrow.]

Amy: [mumbles incoherently] sexxxxxxx….

Elaine: ANYWAY…She has a little tiny crush on you…

Angie: Yeah, I can see that…[grins playfully]

Elaine: So, how are things? How’s Maddox?

[Amy’s side-note: Angie's face lights up, it’s so bright it seems like the lights suddenly came on inside her.]

Angie: He’s wonderful! He’s almost three now, and he’s a walking disaster.

Amy: [working hard to recover her devices] I was so happy for you when you adopted him. I’ve always thought that you would make a great mom. You know, you are so intelligent and thoughtful and worldly. And I bet you guys have so much fun together.

Elaine: Does anyone else hear that sucking noise?

Angie: [grinning and shaking head at Elaine] Yeah, we do. I just took him to Cambodia last month. I bought a house over there because I want him to know that culture as part of who he is. We hiked all over the place and ate strange foods and visited Buddhist temples. He rode an elephant with me.

Elaine: That’s very cool. Was TR 2 filmed in Cambodia also?

Angie: Actually, we were in South America this time, along with London and Santorini. We did a lot of filming in Rio De Janeiro.

Amy: It seems like it would be a pretty big fringe benefit of being an actor to get to travel all
over the world. What’s your favorite place that you’ve visited so far?

Angie: Well, I love Cambodia, but I sort of consider that my home-away-from-home now. My favorite place other than that would have to be Africa. The people there were so sweet and it’s so wild and untamed. I loved it there. I took Maddox on a safari for his second birthday. He really loved the giraffes, I kind of wish they would let me have on in L.A.

Amy: Angie?

Elaine: Ohhh noo, not again! Not again! We are going to get another lawyer knocking on our door!

Angie: Do you guys get sued often? [sexy little smirk]

Elaine: No, but when Amy gets these crazy ideas in her head, she…

Amy: Shush! This is my one chance to put myself out there!

Elaine: In more ways than one. I wonder if your parents are listening…

Angie: Well? What is it?

Amy: If you could kiss another celebrity anywhere on their body other than their lips, who would it be and where would you kiss them?

Elaine: Credit for that question, by the way, goes to those people who wrote the “If” books…

Angie: This one is easy. I’ve always had a thing for Charlize Theron. I’d totally kiss her on her collarbone.

Elaine: OH MY GOD! ME TOO!

Amy: Elaine really digs Charlize. I think you'll have to share her.

Angie: Okay. No problem. I haven’t been with a girl in a long time; I think I’m due.

[Amy is making a lovesick, hopeful face.]

Amy: [shakily] Okay, one word answer time!

Elaine: Whoo hoo!

Angie: I heard about this. Bring it on!

Amy: One word that describes you best is…

Angie: Happy.

Elaine: That’s a good answer.

Amy: Yes it is. One word that describes you right at this moment is…

Angie: Interested. [Shooting Amy a VERY intriguing and downright seductive look, again with the arched brow]

[Amy chooses that moment to faint. As is the custom, people in the chat rooms are cashing in their bets as to how long they thought it would take Amy to lose her mind in Angelina’s presence.]

Angie: Oh no! Is she okay?

[Leon comes in nonchalantly with smelling salts.]

Elaine: She’ll be fine. She’s a REALLY big fan of yours. Okay, so, uh…let’s continue. The next one she has on here is, oh, here we go…favorite band?

Angie: Louis XIV.

Elaine: Come on, don’t tease me! Louis XIV is a kick ass band and I love them but who told you say that?

Angie: No one! I was looking at the web site a few months ago when I got the call about doing this
interview, and I saw that you guys had a big chunk of it devoted to the band, so I checked them out. I am floored at how good they are.

Amy: [mumbling from the floor] Angie…Jason…Sandwich…

[Elaine laughs and Leon the Producer helps Amy
get up and put her headphones back on.]

Elaine: [ala Wayne Campbell] AND she’s OKAY!

Amy: Uh, hi. Sorry about that. Did I hear you say Louis XIV?

Angie: Yep. I love Louis XIV. I joined the street team last week.

Elaine: How cool is that? Okay, we better move on before Amy decides to faint again. Even though I can talk about Louis XIV for days, the Louis XIV-Angelina combo might prove to be too much for her. Amy? Want to ask a question?

Amy: Huh? Oh, sure. Okay…Ms. Louis XIV fan…Jason or Brian?

Angie: Brian.

Amy: Interesting. He is so sweet. Um, who was better at kissing, John Cusack or Antonio Banderas?

Elaine: Ohhhh, I like that one. When did you come up with that?

Amy: It came to me while I was on the floor.

Angie: John Cusack. He was very gentle and his lips were firm, but warm and soft. Very nice. Antonio was no slouch either, though, trust me.

[Amy and Elaine are staring at Angelina with blank, glossy eyes. Both are very far away.]

[Leon taps on the glass.]

Elaine: Oh, no, well, ahem, that is all the time we have for the Angelina interview. She has agreed
to do a written interview with us, so look for it on our web site soon. Okay, I think that we should test Angie’s coolness as we sign off….

Amy: I agree.

Elaine: Okay. Here goes. Angie…Louis XIV rocks………

Angie: The Casbah!!!

[canned cheering]

Amy: Will you marry me?

Elaine: Oh man. Oh geez, here we go again. Amy is UNDER the TABLE with our guest, yet again! Okay, I’m going to dim the lights and go get some take-out. Have fun you guys. This is the remaining Rock Chick saying see ya!

Look at this woman! She's so beautiful! My standards are IMPOSSIBLY high... (SEE EXPLANATION BELOW) ;-)  

Random thoughts

WOW! Look at our little blog! It's growing!

IF YOU ARE WONDERING WHY I POSTED A PICTURE OF A HOT GIRL, READ ON!
OK, I have a couple little random comments. :-)

1. I went to a strip club recently for the first time. SCARY! There was only one girl in the whole place who was hot, and she was a bartender. Kept her clothes on the WHOLE time, dammit. SO, to make up for it, I've posted a photo of Tia Texada (SEE ABOVE), of TV's Third Watch (Fridays, 9pm, NBC!). Because she is an example of the kind of girl I would have liked to have seen. How hot is Tia???

2. Hurrah for all the Louis XIV stuff on our little blog! whoo hoo! GET THEIR CD'S SOON AT THE CITYPLACE BARNES AND NOBLE MUSIC DEPT! (I know, I know, cheap business plug, but it's for a REALLY good cause! I can't wait to start pitching their music to people!)

3. If you haven't seen Garden State and it's still playing in a theater near you, GO SEE IT! It is one of the best movies I've seen in a while, with a poignant and perfect soundtrack. Who knew Zach Braff was such a gifted filmmaker?

Brian is a hottie!

...and so are his bandmates!

You know how we keep talking about how much we love Louis XIV and that they need to tour on the east coast? WELL... part of the reason we love these guys so much is that we were lucky enough to meet them one night. The guys are so cool and very nice. So cool and nice that back when they were Convoy Brian agreed to a little email interview. The other guys got in on the action as well, but we never got quite as far with them. (I admit it, its all my fault. My name is Elaine and I am a slacker.)

Anyway, here is the interview with Brian... come to know and love him the way we do!

Ok, you know how we are always talking about how nice the guys in Convoy are? Well, its not because we're just big kiss asses or anything like that. They genuinely are nice. We offer the following to prove it.

Brian, one of the singers and guitar players, agreed to this odd little interview. Basically, the whole thing is taking place through email as he has time. We are taking the questions and answers and pasting them here directly from the emails. This page will be updated as often as we are able to swap messages.

The guys are currently finishing up their album and some other assorted goodies. I'm hoping to glean some interesting info out of Brian about all of it in between all the other stuff Juanita and I want to know.

We hope you like this, and if there's anything you always wanted to know but were afraid to ask, let us know. Juanita and Pequita can be pretty fearless from time to time.

J&P: Ok, first question: If you could be any cartoon character, which would you be and why?

BK: if i were to be a cartoon character, i think i would be either plastic man, one of the wonder twins, or Linus....because he's good at piano. Picking one is just too hard, but if i had to, probably one of the wonder twins.

J&P: What is your favorite song to play and why?

BK: fav song and why? it always varies..Right now though its "Air
traffic control" because its new, and really rocks.

J&P: If you could have lunch with any person on the planet, who would you choose?
You get extra points if your answer somehow involves Amy and me. (kidding!)

BK: Aside from you and amy of course........it would have
to be Keith Richards. I got to catch him while he is still alive. :)

The List

Way back when we very first started rockchicks.org our homepage feature was a loong list of reasons for Convoy to come back to the east coast. Well, now our favorite boys are known as Louis XIV and the music is amazing. Know what that means? We want a show! BAD! Do you know how long its been since we saw a really good rock show? Years! Literally! So, Louis XIV, pretty please come to the east coast. Amy and I need you!

1. They rock the Casbah. (In many, many ways.)

2. They reintroduced us to a wide world of sugary pastry treats.

3. Danny is a rock star.

4. Jason bounds around the stage and man, does that get me hot.

5. TABLE DANCER!!!

6. Tattoos.

7. Curly curly hair. I love it.

8. Shaun's mom is cool.

9. Harmony.

10. Eleventeen.

11. California Girls.

12. Danny is still a rock star.

13. Given us many safety tips for driving an RV. (Clearance)

14. Guitar players do it with their fingers.

15. The Pimp Song (PRS)

16. If you get it on you you can wash it off

17. Their Black Licorice sticker looks really cool on Amy's car next to her tattoo sticker.

17. You HAVE to be in a good mood when their music is on. You can't stop it!

18. What does the president travel with?

A CONVOY!

19. Their website!

20. They take REALLY REALLY good care of their fans!

21. Wide variety of stickers for every mood (and every piece of luggage)

22. Brian sings the guitar parts!! Yeahhhh!

23. Laundromats

24. Clearly, they inspire devotion in their fans

25. Birthdays

Ode To Louis XIV

My dear Jason, Mark and Brian,
I love you as Louis XIV, that's no lyin'.
I miss Convoy, of course I do.
But Louis is gritty, sexy rock, and that's always great too.
The songs remain in my head all day,
I sing and dance at work and scare some customers away.
But I don't care! I love Louis and their unique sound.
I only wish that they would come around.
Come on, guys, tour and come out this way.
The east coast NEEDS you, so please come out and play.


California gets all the fun.
LOUIS XIV ROCKS THE CASBAH!
:-) Amy

Amy's drawing of Trent Reznor. Notice how she captures the hotness. 

Fantastic Voyage Part One

Since Mr. Reznor is finally FINALLY giving us something to look forward to, the timing seems perfect to dust off our fantasy interview. Enjoy!

Juanita and Pequita Interview Trent Reznor

The situation: The Juanita and Pequita Rock and Roll Show has made it big on FM Radio and we now have a swank studio in the heart of NYC. Of course, all the celebrities are dying to get on the show, but we're so hot that there is a waiting list. Of course, some people NEVER have to wait.

Elaine: Okay, everyone, we are here in the studio with Mr. Trent Reznor, of Nine Inch Nails. He's in town to do a show tonight at the Hillside Amphitheater, and the rock gods have blessed us with an interview. Amy, just to let the listeners get a mental image, is dolled up to the nines in leather pants and a slinky tank top. She's really tryin' hard, aren't ya sister?

Amy: He will be mine. OH YES...He WILL be mine.

Elaine: Our producer, Leon, just signaled that Trent is coming down the hall. Okay, ladies, gents and all you other people that listen to our show, here he is, Trent Reznor.

[canned applause followed by a sound clip of Suck]

Elaine: Hey, Amy: Trent. Clothed. New York. Studio.

Amy: Shut up! Welcome, Trent. I hear you are a fan of the show.

[Amy's side-note: Trent is wearing a black fuzzy turtle-neck and faded levi jeans. His hair is loose and wild, and sticking up on top, making me think of him as being in a post-nap or post-sex state.]

Trent: Yeah, I am. I really liked it when you had Marilyn Manson on interviewing Britney Spears. That was good radio. I'm surprised you got her to agree to do it.

Elaine: That one was tricky. We bribed her by telling her Justin Timberlake was going to be here to beg her to come back to him. I hear she's still in therapy.

Trent: Here's hoping.

Amy: So, Trent, the new album is great. It's really gritty and raw. I know you said that you were going to return to a rougher, more basic sound this time out, and I think that you have done it. This CD sounds similar to Broken. You were at a very trying time in your life during the recording of the Broken EP. Does this new, harder record reflect another dark period in your life?

Trent: Not really. I'm not in the same place I was when I did Broken. I just wanted to get back to my roots, back to that electronic beat-box sound I used to love when I first discovered Skinny Puppy and Ministry. This album is more of an homage to my beginnings. The lyrics are not as hateful as the lyrics on Broken. I am at a pretty good period in my life right now, I just wanted to make a hard album.

Elaine: Hard is good. On many, many levels. And Amy, I must say I am proud of you for starting out all professional. I figured you would go right for the Playgirl question, like when Convoy was here.

Amy: Hee hee. [foolish grin] Let me work here, woman! Do you ever rock out to your own music in the car?

Trent: No, I think I sound weird in my own stuff; I never listen to it once it's out there. Besides, I would constantly be finding stuff to change. Albums would be recalled, I would never stop working, it'd be bad.

Amy: What do you rock out to? Elaine and I like Nikka Costa in the car, along with Nails. If we are feeling really adventurous, Elaine's funk CD.

Elaine: Hey, now, don't knock the funk.

Trent: [shaking head and smiling] Right now, I am really into this 80's Goth Rock band from Cleveland called the Filthy Maggots. They are pretty cool.

Elaine: I think that is the best band name I have ever heard.

Amy: Trent?

Trent: Yes?

Amy: Want to see my tattoos?

Elaine: Ohh no, here we go...

Trent: Sure, whip 'em out.

[Amy's side note: I suddenly found myself all hot and bothered by the fact that he said "whip 'em out." I sat staring at him for a moment before I realized he was waiting for me to show him some skin. I showed him the tattoos, saving the one of his own band logo for last.]

[Elaine's side note: Chat rooms are suddenly buzzing as listeners cash in on a bet regarding how long it would take Amy to show her tattoos. I lose the bet, thinking it would take Amy 45 seconds, when it actually took 93.]

Amy: Do you think I'm crazy?

Trent: [grinning stupidly] No. I have to marry you now.

Amy: Pardon me?

Trent: I have to marry you now.

Amy: [breathing erratically] You do? Okay.

Trent: [laughing] I always told myself when I was just starting out that if I ever found a girl with a NIN tattoo, I would marry her.

Amy: Is June good for you?

[Amy's side note: Trent laughs again, I think he thinks I'm kidding.]

Trent: June is good.

Elaine: Can Robin Finck and I be bridesmaids?

Amy: I think we can do that.

Elaine: Yes!

Amy: So, Trent, if you, Marilyn Manson, Robin Finck, Maynard and David Bowie were stranded on Mount Everest and you had to eat someone to stay alive, which person would you eat first and why?

Trent: Hmm...I have to say, I would probably eat Manson first. He has so many toxins floating around in his blood that I would probably go into a drug-induced stupor and not give a shit that I was hungry and trapped on a mountain. Once Manson ran out, I'd probably eat Robin next. He has the most meat.

Amy: Interesting. Okay, one-word answer time.

Trent: Lay it on me.

Elaine: Hello, Amy. [waving hand in front of Amy's unblinking eyes]

[In Amy's head: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........what? Oh yeah, the interview......]

Amy: Piano or violin?

Trent: Piano.

Amy: Baked or Fried?

Trent: Fried.

Amy: Summer or winter?

Trent: Winter.

Elaine: Silk or Satin?

Trent: Silk.

Elaine: Describe the state you are in right now using one word.

Trent: Uhh...amused.

Elaine: Sorry, the correct answer was "inlovewithamy."

Amy: That's true, you did ask me to marry you, and I won't live in a loveless marriage.

Trent: Have you guys ever been sued?

Elaine: Not yet but the night is young.

Amy: Vanilla Ice or M.C. Hammer?

Trent: [eyebrows are furrowed] Vanilla Ice. Is this going to be printed?

Amy: Of course. Okay, word association time! Ready?

Trent: Um, yeah?

Amy: Caribbean?

Trent: Rum.

Amy: New Orleans?

Trent: Home.

Amy: Cleveland?

Trent: Shithole.

Amy: That's lovely. Sex?

Trent: Sure.

[long pause]

[Elaine tries to hide giggles as she watches Amy contemplate Trent.]

Amy: Uhh....umm...uhh...Limp Bizkit?

Trent: You follow 'sex' with 'Limp Bizkit?'

Amy: Yes, I was drifting down into my bad place. I needed something completely un-sexy.

Trent: Oh, okay. Horrid.

[Elaine completely looses her cool and cracks up laughing.]

Amy: Limp Bizkit?

Trent: Yes. Horrid.

Elaine: I can't believe he just used that word.

Amy: Okay. Ricki Lake?

Trent: Ricki Lake?

Amy: Yes.

Trent: uhh....pretty.

Amy: What? Seriously?

Trent: Yeah. [looks like he wants to hide under his turtleneck]

Amy: Hey, ya know, whatever floats your boat.

Trent: You are kinda floating my boat, my future wife.

Amy: Oh really?

Elaine: You guys out in radio land can't see this, but Amy is turning a brilliant shade of pink.

Amy: Are you hitting on me?

Trent: Quite possibly. [evil grin]

Amy: All right, how much did Elaine pay you?

Trent: I am not aware of any endorsement deals.

Elaine: So, Trent, since this IS an interview, exactly how big is the rock you are going to get my friend here? Hello? Oh geez. Well, people, um, my co-host and her rock-god boyfriend have just disappeared under the table. Um, guys? Ow! That was my foot! Okay, I hear some funky noises. Hey, Trent, is Hurt about self-mutilation? He moaned, maybe that means yes. Okay, we are going to commercial now.

Thanks Mr. Reznor

No, It's not the new album, but still...


Trent Reznor, AKA Nine Inch Nails, has FINALLY announced the release date of the special edition double disc set of the Downward Spiral. November 23rd!

Sometimes I think that when I curse aloud at him for taking so damn long between albums, that somewhere in his brilliant little brain, he hears me. Down in his studio in New Orleans, he stops tinkering with his computers and playing Halo and tilts his head in confusion at the tiny, aggravated voice at the edge of his consciousness.

Thanks Mr. Reznor for doing SOMETHING, even if it's not new material. My copy of TDS is so scratched and ratty that I could use a fresh one, complete with b-sides and rarities. Yay. NOW RELEASE BLEEDTHROUGH AND GO ON TOUR DAMMIT! BAHHHHHHHH!

Introduction To Amy's Love For Angelina Jolie 101

Hello, welcome to Amy's course in why she loves Angelina Jolie.
As anyone who knows me for 5 minutes knows...AJ is my favorite person on the planet that I've never met. I have this crazy plan that the more people that know about how big of a fan I am, the better chance that six degrees of seperation will eventually bring her into contact with someone who knows me.

10 REASONS WHY I LOVE ANGELINA:

1. She never apologizes for being who she is.
2. She altered her entire life's course to help people all over the world.
3. She is a great mom who makes every day of her son's life an adventure.
4. She is jaw-droppingly beautiful, and a lot of that comes from the inside.
5. She loves tattoos just like I do.
6. She never lets the media attention and paparazzi get to her
7. She is getting her pilot's license. That is SO cool.
8. I've never read a single word about her being anything but friendly to everyone, famous or not.
9. She goes out of her way to meet her fans, climbing over the barricades at premieres. Can you see Julia Roberts doing that? Probably not...
10. She's a brilliant actress. Beyond Borders is still one of the most moving films I've ever seen.

OK, that's enough for now. Next up in Amy's Intro Class Series: A History of Why Trent Reznor is Slowly Driving Me Insane.

YAY! We have a new home!

Whew-hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright ladies and gents, so we tried life out in the vast www but we found it a bit... too much. See, contrary to how we'd ultimately like our lives to be, we do have joe jobs and other stuff keeping us busy. Creating and maintaining a real live website was just too much for us. But we really missed putting together all the fun stuff and had some really cool ideas that never saw the light of day.

Then came Shannon Marshall. Ms. Shannon was a year behind the RockChicks in high school and some how or other, honestly, I don't even remember, Shannon and I (Elaine) got back in touch. Turns out she started her own blog and one day, after chuckling over Shannon's observations about rolling book bags, I was inspired.

WE NEED A BLOG!

And Amy agreed. YAY!

So here we are. We will be bringing back some old favorites (fantasy interviews) and of course adding new stuff. And since blogging is infinitely easier than developing a website, well, we'll be doing it all a lot more often. And whether that makes you happy or not, we don't care, we are giddy with delight over the idea.

Add your comments to our posts, send us your ideas, whatever. Just remember: we're two weird chicks who get together with the primary purpose of making each other laugh. If you think there is something wrong with us, we really don't care. We're having fun.

More soon,
Elaine

LOUIS XIV ROCKS THE CASBAH!

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