Amy: Good afternoon, folks. Welcome to Rockchicks radio, I'm Amy.
Elaine: And I'm Elaine. Welcome to the insanity.
Amy: I'm SO excited!
Elaine: I know, look at you. I think if you sneezed or hiccuped, you'd be naked. Is that a shirt or a washcloth?
Amy: (blushing) Hey man, if any of the rumors have even a grain of truth, I want to be prepared. It is a shirt, by the way.
Elaine: Are you wearing underwear?
Amy: I refuse to answer that.
Elaine: For all the new listeners, the refusal to answer means no, she isn't wearing undies. You dirty girl! What would Angelina say? You wore undies when SHE was here.
Amy: Not for long. ANYWAY...What about when Joe Perry was here, huh?
[Moment of awkward, guilty silence. Rustling papers. A nervous cough]Elaine: OK! Let's move on!
Amy: Uh huh. Today's guest, I am totally thrilled to say, is Miss Gina Gershon. Actress, singer, rock star goddess.
[sound clip of "Punk Rock Girl"]Elaine: We don't talk about her as much as Angelina, but she is an official member of the Wishful Trio, as Amy calls it.
Amy: Tia being the third, in case anyone was wondering. Friday nights, 9 p.m., NBC.
[Leon opens the door and gives them the thumbs up sign. He clicks his tongue and whistles crudely at Amy's skirt. A CD case (belonging to Hilary Duff, therefore entirely expendable) is promptly heaved at his head. He shuts the door quickly and Hilary lies face down on the floor of the studio.]Elaine: The rumors my sexually ambivalent friend is referring to involve Gina's sexuality. She's played a lesbian in quite a few movies, leading those in the biz to think she might be a lesbian herself.
Amy: It's no one's business. I just have to go with the odds, ya know?
Elaine: Absolutely.
[Leon signals with two short knocks on the door that Gina is in the building.]Amy: Ohhhh. She's on her way up. I need an altoid. Where's my purse? I need a mint. I must be minty. Altoids...
Elaine: Hey, rain man! Relax! Ames, what are you doing?
[She watches Amy stand up and find her purse on the floor of the studio, leaving her headphones on the table.]Amy: My purse is right here. I need an altoid. Where are they? Have you seen my altoids?
Elaine: Ames, sweetie, you're freakin' me out. Sit down, because Gina is almost here.
Amy: One sec...
[Amy bends over to fish in her purse.]Elaine: Gahh! Don't give away the farm! Jeez!
[Gina picks that moment to open the door. She's wearing Amy's favorite red velvet pants, a vintage Doors T-Shirt and big pilot sunglasses. She is confronted by Amy's barely-clothed bottom and Elaine's mortified but amused smirk.]Gina: Oh. So, it's that kind of show, huh?
[She licks her top lip and grins, and Elaine knows Amy just missed a REALLY hot Gina moment because her ass was in the air. Amy can feel red-hot mortification rising from her toes to her head. She turns to face Gina, blinking at the fact that she is wearing THE pants.]Amy: ...altoid?
Gina: Sure.
[Gina takes an altoid and slides it seductively onto her tongue.]Elaine: Ames?
Amy: Hmmmmm? [staring wide-eyed at Gina]
Elaine: Wanna sit down now so we can do this?
Amy: Mmmmm. Hmmmm? Wha?
Elaine: SIT.
Amy: Right, right. Sorry.
Elaine: Gina, it's great to meet you. We are both fans. Amy is a big, BIG fan.
Gina: I can see that. Are ya gonna make it?
[She aims the question at Amy as she slides her sunglasses up to sit on her head, revealing gorgeous, deep brown eyes.]Amy: Uh huh. [Still seeing Gina sliding the mint into her mouth over and over and over gain, like a skipping movie. Elaine kicks her hard under the table. Amy sits bolt upright and seems to wake from her trance.]
Elaine: Welcome back.
Amy: Thanks. Sorry. SO, Gina. I just want to say that Prey For Rock and Roll was GREAT. The thing I liked best about it was the fact that you are a genuinely talented musician and singer. A true Rockchick, if you will.
Gina: Awww, that's so sweet, thank you.
Amy: You're welcome. My question is, the soundtrack with you on vocals was amazing. Do you ever plan to put out another album?
Gina: Actually, yes. I've been working with the guys from Aerosmith and we...
Elaine: WHAT?
Gina: The guys from Aerosmith. Steven Tyler and Joe Perry. They are helping me out with backup guitars and production. They are so damn cool.
Elaine and Amy, simultaneously: You are working with Joe Perry????
Gina: Yep. I hear you guys are big fans.
[Dead air as Amy and Elaine stare blankly and imagine Gina and Joe in the same room, both creating music. It's too much.]Gina: I brought you a rough track, do you want to hear it? [She takes a CD out of the little purse she brought with her and hands it to Leon, who has magically appeared in the doorway. Elaine and Amy are still silent and open-mouthed. They snap out of it at the mention of listening to music.]
Elaine: Throw it on. That is great that you are making a new album. We love the soundtrack.
[The sound of guitars and a throbbing bass beat fill the studio. Gina chimes into the track in her throaty, Joan-Jett-meets-Courtney-Love-before-she-lost-her-damn-mind voice. They listen to the track for a few moments before Leon turns it down. It becomes background music for the interview.]Amy: Wow. Wow. This is really...really good.
Gina: Thanks. The album is coming out early next year.
Elaine: What does Joe Perry smell like?
Gina: [not missing a beat] Like leather and soap.
Elaine: Did he wear his yin yang pants?
Amy: This is the point in the interview where *I* actually get to be the sane one. And Gina Gershon is here! That is crazy! ELAINE! Snap out of it! Focus!
Elaine: [shakes her head] Right, right. sorry. So, uhh...
Gina: Actually, before anything else is said, let me say that I'm a fan of you guys. Whenever I'm in the city, I listen. I loved your interview with John Stewart. I'm really shocked that he let you guys do that to him. Isn't that act a misdemeanor in the state of New York?
Elaine: We aren't allowed to discuss that incident until it's cleared by legal.
Amy: Yep. So, you listen to the show?
Gina: Yeah. I know someone that I think you, Amy, would be interested in meeting.
Amy: Really?
Gina: Oh yeah. She's a great friend of mine, I met her when we were both in a movie way back. I brought her with me today. Want me to go get her?
Amy: Um, sure?
[Gina gets up and leaves. Amy and Elaine stare blankly at each other.]Elaine: Maybe it's Drea De Matteo. You were just saying last week how cool she is and how much you like her. And they've been in a movie together.
Amy: That's probably it. That makes sense. I think I...
[Stops dead in her tracks. The door has opened and Tia Texada has stepped in, looking delicious in jeans and a black sweater. Gina follows, looking excited.]Elaine: Oh. My. God. I think Amy's head is going to explode.
Amy: Holy Shit.
Elaine: FCC Fine number seven for this month. And its only the 3rd.
Tia: Hello. How are you ladies?
Elaine: We are fantastic. Sit down, Tia. Welcome to the show. There are some headphones for you. Wow, this is really cool. I like Third Watch too. Great show. I really liked when you tortured the murderer in the hospital to get information out of him. That was hot. Amy thought so too, right? Amy? Ames?
Amy: [...imagining herself as a the filling in a Tia-Gina sandwich...] Wha? I'm sorry, I'm just blindsided. You don't have Angelina back there somewhere too, do you? I think there is some rule that if the Wishful Trio are all in the same room at the same time, the universe implodes.
Tia: The wishful trio?
Amy: Aw shit.
Elaine: Ames, no more cursing. I told you, the whole John Stewart fiasco burned through our fine money. The FCC is riding us hard. Be good!
Amy: Right. Sorry.
Elaine: [turning to Tia] She's a HUGE fan of yours. She's always harassing people to watch the show.
Tia: I heard. Not many people know who I am, so when I saw myself on your website, and Gina told me she was coming on the show, we thought it would be cool to show up and rock your world a little bit.
[Amy is whimpering and appearing very much like a teenage girl who has just been asked out by the hottest guy in school. It was mostly happiness, but panic hovered around the edges.]Elaine: OK, since Amy can't speak, I'll be her. So, Tia. I think you are the hottest woman on television. I like that Mariska lady from Law and Order SVU, but she isn't as hot as you are. I think you are really sexy too, Gina. But more than that, you both kick serious butt.
Amy: [mumbling] Documentary...
[All three woman turn to her.]Tia: What honey? [Tia looks genuinely concerned.]
Amy: I love Gina's documentary.
Elaine: A WHOLE SENTENCE! She's back!
Amy: I am going to kill you later and dump your body in the swamp.
Elaine: She's just saying that. Last week it was tie me to the railroad tracks.
Gina: You like the documentary, huh?
Amy: Yeah. I bought it the day it came out on DVD. You just rock so damn hard. I think it's really cool that this great actress can turn around and be a full-fledged, honestly talented rock star.
Tia: You know, if you play back the show in Austin frame by frame, you can see me in the audience. I flashed Gina. They edited out most of it, but you can still see a little nipple if you pause it at just the right moment.
Gina: That was so awesome. You have very nice tits, by the way.
Tia: Thank you, so do you, mami.
[Amy is gazing into space, in awe of the fact that not only were Tia and Gina friends, but that nakedness had passed between them.]Elaine: I think Ames is out again. It's OK. Let's look at her notes....ahh, ok! One word answer time!
Tia: Ohh, yah, I heard about this. Go ahead.
Elaine: All you have to do is say the first thing that pops into your mind. [They nod.] Cool, here we go. Sex.
Tia: Hot.
Gina: Wet.
[Amy lets out a tiny gasp.]Elaine: NICE. OK, next one... San Diego.
Tia: Uhh...zoo?
Gina: Oh, oh, I know! I know! Louis the fourteenth!
Elaine: Excellent work! Miss Gershon gets four gold stars!
Tia: That is the band you guys like, right?
Gina: They are really good. I saw them with the Killers in Los Angeles a while back. Hot guys. All three of them.
Amy: OK. I'm back. Now that the cat is out of the bag, so to speak. You both know I think you're hot. That is no secret. I mean, look at you. Anyway, let me do the next one. OK...mine is...leather.
Tia: Pants.
Gina: Whip.
Amy: Wow. Uhhh...last one. Chocolate.
Tia: Syrup.
Gina: Kisses.
[Elaine and Amy grin and nod.]Amy: Do either of you have any tattoos?
Tia: I have one, want to see it? [She stands up and pulls down the waistband of her jeans to reveal a tiny dragon in a ring of fire.]
Amy: [Gets up close to look at it, but everyone knows it's just an excuse.] That is beautiful work.
Tia: Thank you. I have one more. Maybe I'll show you that one later. [She smiles wickedly at both Amy and Gina. Amy's eyes widen and she silently thanks the powers that be for creating latin women.]
Elaine: OK, well, unfortunately, we are out of time. Everyone needs to go rent Prey For Rock And Roll and buy the soundtrack. It will make you believe that there are some actors who really are capable of being bona fide musicians.
Gina: Thank you!
Tia: Hey, we are going to lunch, you want to come?
Elaine: I can't, I think I have an appointment or something. Ames?
Amy: I LOVE this job!
Elaine: Allllll right folks, that raps up this edition of Rockchicks radio. Next week, we'll talking to Charlize Theron, so I get to be the one all hot and bothered during the interview.
Amy: Thank God. Bye folks!
[Sound clip of "Doll Parts" fades to commercial.]
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