Hello good people! Now, everyone knows three things about me: 1. I love my fiancee 2. I love Angelina Jolie 3. I love Trent Reznor. Now, of the three of them...Trent Reznor is the only one that both completely infuriates me and inspires absolute adoration at the same time. The guy is maddening. He's sexy as hell. He's poetic. He's intelligent.
And he's driving me CRAZY.
Here's why:
10. He first started affecting me and my hormones when I was sixteen. I didn't lose my virginity until MUCH later. So, I had to endure...years...of angst and music that made me want to tear my clothes off in public before I got to do anything about it.
9. When he moans and groans and makes guttural noises in songs, and I'm in the car, I narrowly avoid old ladies walking their dogs on the sidewalk and large trees.
8. We celebrated the five year anniversary of The Downward Spiral, but then we got rewarded by The Fragile, which is a piece of music I consider one of the best ever created. Now, here we are at the five year anniversary of The Fragile....and still no new album. C'mon, man, hand it over already!!
7. El Rezzo is the MASTER of aggravating marketing strategies. He slaps that "halo" label on everything he puts out, including rare imports and singles only released in Zimbabwe, so the fans go NUTS trying to collect all the halos. The man is a marketing GENIUS. Because he knows that his nerdy little fans, the ones who play halo and own the version of Closer with the Super Mario brothers theme mixed in, will go to the ends of the earth, or to every corner of Ebay, to find them. Bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
6. I have only had the extreme, sublime pleasure of seeing him once in concert, for the Fragility tour. If SOMEONE would tour more, then I might be able to up that number. It's not right to have body art dedicated to someone you've only seen once live, because he only tours when he puts out an album, and we all know how often THAT happens.
5. This isn't a reason why he's driving me insane, but did you know that you can use his lyrics in every day life? For example, when Matt (afforementioned fiancee) calls me and asks, "What are you up to?" I can say, "Talking to myself on the way to the station." etc. The uses are endless. Try it sometime.
4. Rezman's fans that aren't really fans DRIVE ME CRAZY. You know one. Perhaps you are one. They are those people that say "Oh yeah! Nine Inch Nails! I know them! I love that song...what's it called? Oh yeah...I want to fuck you like an animal. I love that wanna fuck you song." grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
3. Just when I think I am about to go stomping off to New Orleans, find the little weiner and plonk him upside the head, he updates the website. And bliss is restored. Even if the update is simply, "Yeah, uhh...we are still working on stuff. "
2. The guy is just too damn hot. He's hot when he's slinking around like walking death with a goatee, he's hot when he's unshaven and ragged and looking like he just argued on the phone with Manson for ten hours straight, he's hot when he's singing AND when he's not. He's just hot. He's go-without-underwear-under-your-little-slinky-skirt hot. He's take-me-in-the-back-of-the-tour-bus hot. Dammit.
1. I just wasted almost half an hour writing about the guy. Bastard.
I guess I should get to class now. HAH!
JUANITA (AKA AMY)
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7 comments:
OMG! I HAVE THE SUPERMARIO REMIX OF CLOSER!!!! I love playing it at all my parties becuase no one else has ever heard it! I am so glad, and I dont' know why I ever doubted you, that you grils know what I am talking about.
You doubted *us*?! GASP! After all the obscure music trivia tests we gave each other in high school?! And Amy is still uncovering trivia as we speak! Shannon, I'm a tiny bit disappointed, but you do get points for calling out all the fake fans with your remix. Hee hee! Now when the new set comes out you to find another deep track that no one will recognize so that the people who are keen to your remix will have to fess up again. AH! AH! AH! AH! AHHHHHHH! -- Elaine
So I am a nerdy little fan because I sought out Halos?
I'm sorry the Terrible Lie CD Single includes "Get Down, Make Love" which is one of my favorite NIN songs. And that "fuck you like an animal song" is the best. ahahahahahaha, I know it's called Closer, just kidding!
Thing that's pissed me off lately... when people say "I like the original version of 'Hurt' not the one NIN remade". Grrrrr.
Wow, do we know you? Or did you happen to stumble upon us? Talk to me, Ben! Anyway...you are not a nerdy little fan if you want a halo because it has a great song on it. Get Down Make Love is the reason I bought the Sin single too. I'm talking about the crazy nin-o-paths who seek out all the halos just to have all the halos. Those people scare me. Just a little. Of course, I probably scare them too when they find out about the nin logo tattooed on my hip. :-D
I'm Shannon's cousin.
Oh, it was the Sin CD, huh. Oh well, do stuff from memory, sound like an ass.
And Get Down Make Love also shows marketing genius... perhaps... since the only way you could get the song (before downloading, etc.) was to buy the single with all the other stuff you already had. But it was worth it because the song is so good. Not sure if that's truly marketing genius anymore since its pretty common in the music world. The original guy who came up with it was pretty smart, though.
And I don't think you sounded like an ass trying to just remember the name of the single. Who can remember all that stuff besides Amy? ;-)
Been following your blog, Ben, I hope you're feeling better and I truly hope the chicks your boss is picking up on line completely lied in their profiles and scare him when he meets them.
Have fun! --Elaine
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