As long as we're talking about girl love...

its the fantasy interview of Angelina Jolie! Note: Amy's drawing... yummy.

Angelina Jolie Braves Juanita and Pequita

Disclaimer:
This interview took place in Amy’s demented little mind. It was written in 2002. She loves Angelina Jolie and doesn’t want her to stumble upon the RockChicks site and wonder if she blacked out while doing this interview. Unfortunately, it never happened…

Elaine: Well, people, we here at RockChicks radio are astounded and thrilled to have Amy’s favorite actress here today for an exclusive interview to promote her new film, Tomb Raider 2. You all know, since she talks about it AT LEAST once during the span of all our shows, that Amy is madly in lust with Angelina Jolie. When she found out we landed this interview, she fainted and I was not able to revive her for a good ten minutes. So, I want all you people out there to pray that Amy makes it through this interview in one piece.

Amy: Thanks. Look at that, my hands are shaking. Is she here yet? Man, I need a drink.

Elaine: Calm. Calm. You’re in a forest. You’re in a forest with Trent Reznor.

Amy: No, he’s too sexy; put me in the forest with someone who won’t turn me on…

Elaine: You are in a forest with…Fred Durst. And he’s rubbing his big old beer belly for you.

Amy: Okay, that will work. I’m in a forest with Fred…nasty, annoying Fred…I’m in a forest…

[Leon taps on the glass from the production room to signal that Angelina is on her way]

Amy: Ooh crap. Okay, okay, professionalism. Professional. I can do this, I can do this, I can…

[At that moment, Angelina walks in]

[Amy’s side note: She is wearing a black tank top and low-rider jeans. Her hair is in a neat ponytail and her eyes are shielded by dark, rimless sunglasses. She smiles at us and my knees knock together.]

Angie: Hello!

Elaine: Hi, Angie, there are your headphones. Welcome to the show, we are so happy to have you.

Amy: Hi. Um.......hi.

Angie: [looking like she wants to get Amy a cold compress] Hi. Are you okay? Want some water, I saw a fountain down the hall…

Amy: No, thank you very much, but I think I’ll be okay.

Elaine: So, Amy and I are very excited about Tomb Raider 2. The last one wasn't really embraced by the critics, but was a big commercial success. What did you do differently in this version?

[Elaine kicks Amy under the table and Amy blinks and stops staring at the stunning woman she fantasizes about on an hourly basis.]

Angie: Well, this version has what, I think, everyone thought was lacking in the first one: a good story. The story in the last one was flimsy and felt forced. The new movie has a very exciting, pulse-racing, save-the-planet feel to it, but not in a cheesy way. It’s really very cool.

Amy: Angie?

[Elaine looks up sharply. Whenever Amy asks the interviewee a question using just their name, bad things are about to happen. She tries to kick her again, but Amy has wised up and moved too far away.]

Angie: Yes?

Amy: I probably won’t get the opportunity to say this ever again, so….uhh….I think you are the most beautiful woman in the universe. To be honest…

Elaine: DON’T do it! Don’t do it, Ames! Don’t…

Amy: You are one of the very few women on the planet I would ever seek carnal knowledge of.

Elaine: OH MY GOD! Listeners, I know we all have been listening to Amy talk about Angelina for the last week straight, but did any of you think she would ever get up the nerve to tell her that? Man! I just lost a hundred bucks.

Angie: [looking surprisingly flattered and unruffled] Really?

Amy: Um, yeah.

Angie: Good to know. [Angie shocks the hell out of Amy by passing her a seductive glance with the infamous and wildly sexy arched eyebrow.]

Amy: [mumbles incoherently] sexxxxxxx….

Elaine: ANYWAY…She has a little tiny crush on you…

Angie: Yeah, I can see that…[grins playfully]

Elaine: So, how are things? How’s Maddox?

[Amy’s side-note: Angie's face lights up, it’s so bright it seems like the lights suddenly came on inside her.]

Angie: He’s wonderful! He’s almost three now, and he’s a walking disaster.

Amy: [working hard to recover her devices] I was so happy for you when you adopted him. I’ve always thought that you would make a great mom. You know, you are so intelligent and thoughtful and worldly. And I bet you guys have so much fun together.

Elaine: Does anyone else hear that sucking noise?

Angie: [grinning and shaking head at Elaine] Yeah, we do. I just took him to Cambodia last month. I bought a house over there because I want him to know that culture as part of who he is. We hiked all over the place and ate strange foods and visited Buddhist temples. He rode an elephant with me.

Elaine: That’s very cool. Was TR 2 filmed in Cambodia also?

Angie: Actually, we were in South America this time, along with London and Santorini. We did a lot of filming in Rio De Janeiro.

Amy: It seems like it would be a pretty big fringe benefit of being an actor to get to travel all
over the world. What’s your favorite place that you’ve visited so far?

Angie: Well, I love Cambodia, but I sort of consider that my home-away-from-home now. My favorite place other than that would have to be Africa. The people there were so sweet and it’s so wild and untamed. I loved it there. I took Maddox on a safari for his second birthday. He really loved the giraffes, I kind of wish they would let me have on in L.A.

Amy: Angie?

Elaine: Ohhh noo, not again! Not again! We are going to get another lawyer knocking on our door!

Angie: Do you guys get sued often? [sexy little smirk]

Elaine: No, but when Amy gets these crazy ideas in her head, she…

Amy: Shush! This is my one chance to put myself out there!

Elaine: In more ways than one. I wonder if your parents are listening…

Angie: Well? What is it?

Amy: If you could kiss another celebrity anywhere on their body other than their lips, who would it be and where would you kiss them?

Elaine: Credit for that question, by the way, goes to those people who wrote the “If” books…

Angie: This one is easy. I’ve always had a thing for Charlize Theron. I’d totally kiss her on her collarbone.

Elaine: OH MY GOD! ME TOO!

Amy: Elaine really digs Charlize. I think you'll have to share her.

Angie: Okay. No problem. I haven’t been with a girl in a long time; I think I’m due.

[Amy is making a lovesick, hopeful face.]

Amy: [shakily] Okay, one word answer time!

Elaine: Whoo hoo!

Angie: I heard about this. Bring it on!

Amy: One word that describes you best is…

Angie: Happy.

Elaine: That’s a good answer.

Amy: Yes it is. One word that describes you right at this moment is…

Angie: Interested. [Shooting Amy a VERY intriguing and downright seductive look, again with the arched brow]

[Amy chooses that moment to faint. As is the custom, people in the chat rooms are cashing in their bets as to how long they thought it would take Amy to lose her mind in Angelina’s presence.]

Angie: Oh no! Is she okay?

[Leon comes in nonchalantly with smelling salts.]

Elaine: She’ll be fine. She’s a REALLY big fan of yours. Okay, so, uh…let’s continue. The next one she has on here is, oh, here we go…favorite band?

Angie: Louis XIV.

Elaine: Come on, don’t tease me! Louis XIV is a kick ass band and I love them but who told you say that?

Angie: No one! I was looking at the web site a few months ago when I got the call about doing this
interview, and I saw that you guys had a big chunk of it devoted to the band, so I checked them out. I am floored at how good they are.

Amy: [mumbling from the floor] Angie…Jason…Sandwich…

[Elaine laughs and Leon the Producer helps Amy
get up and put her headphones back on.]

Elaine: [ala Wayne Campbell] AND she’s OKAY!

Amy: Uh, hi. Sorry about that. Did I hear you say Louis XIV?

Angie: Yep. I love Louis XIV. I joined the street team last week.

Elaine: How cool is that? Okay, we better move on before Amy decides to faint again. Even though I can talk about Louis XIV for days, the Louis XIV-Angelina combo might prove to be too much for her. Amy? Want to ask a question?

Amy: Huh? Oh, sure. Okay…Ms. Louis XIV fan…Jason or Brian?

Angie: Brian.

Amy: Interesting. He is so sweet. Um, who was better at kissing, John Cusack or Antonio Banderas?

Elaine: Ohhhh, I like that one. When did you come up with that?

Amy: It came to me while I was on the floor.

Angie: John Cusack. He was very gentle and his lips were firm, but warm and soft. Very nice. Antonio was no slouch either, though, trust me.

[Amy and Elaine are staring at Angelina with blank, glossy eyes. Both are very far away.]

[Leon taps on the glass.]

Elaine: Oh, no, well, ahem, that is all the time we have for the Angelina interview. She has agreed
to do a written interview with us, so look for it on our web site soon. Okay, I think that we should test Angie’s coolness as we sign off….

Amy: I agree.

Elaine: Okay. Here goes. Angie…Louis XIV rocks………

Angie: The Casbah!!!

[canned cheering]

Amy: Will you marry me?

Elaine: Oh man. Oh geez, here we go again. Amy is UNDER the TABLE with our guest, yet again! Okay, I’m going to dim the lights and go get some take-out. Have fun you guys. This is the remaining Rock Chick saying see ya!